blaze of glory
by peachgloss
Summary: she wasn't the real sasuke, but maybe that was a good thing. /SI OC as fem!Sasuke [not dead - undergoing revamp!]
1. phoenix burning arc pt one

**chapter one: phoenix rising arc, part one**  
 **notes:** for old readers, welcome back (there is now pLoT? wow!), and for new readers, this is the product of much outline and characterization. you can probably tell that i rewrote the entire thing! have fun reading, and if you like it please leave an encouraging review. or just a review in general. i love reviews.  
 **chapter's fic rec:** "addendum" by shanatical on ao3. it was my inspiration for this fic!  
 **chapter's song:** HEAVEN, by troye sivan.  
 **word count:** ~3700 words yay  
 **warnings:** talk about death, I guess? is that a trigger?  
 **disclaimer:** naruto belongs to masashi kishimoto, even if he kinda abused that right in the end.

" _In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes."  
-Benjamin Franklin_

In my opinion, the most frightening aspect of death is its permanence. Once you're dead you stay dead, fictional deus ex machina resurrection spells notwithstanding.

And, of course, death will come for everyone—no matter how high your hopes, your prospects for the future, all it takes is one accident for everything you've worked for to be destroyed. All it takes is one small event to set off a chain that leads to the bright spark of your life being snuffed out.

That was my main reasoning for believing there was no higher power, or at least not a benevolent one. What was the motive behind watching your creations work so hard, only to smite them when they least expected it? That seemed pointlessly cruel to me.

For my entire life, I had believed firmly that after death, there was just nothing. No heaven, no hell, no purgatory—and certainly, no reincarnation.

You can see why I was surprised when, after foolishly running out into the street without looking both ways, I woke up in the body of a child.

Well, I didn't exactly wake up. The body in question had put itself into a coma, probably to deal with trauma. I was stuck in a vast expanse of white, having no idea what was going on (I assumed I had been wrong, and that Purgatory was real).

The days and weeks blurred together, and I wasn't sure how much later it was when the body I was occupying woke up, and my outlook on life was completely and irrevocably shattered.

Is there a reason I, in particular, was chosen to receive a second chance? Why was I chosen to live the life of a character in a manga? Why was he chosen to have his chance at living ripped away in favor of letting me have another one?

I was allowed to have questions—I had been unceremoniously dumped into the body of _Uchiha Sasuke_ , a character from a fictional universe.

And if that wasn't enough to make me question all that I had once believed unconditionally, there was also the simple fact that Uchiha Sasuke had been a boy. This body, I soon realized after a moment of panic, was a _girl's._

"W-why?" I croaked after two days of unresponsiveness to the nurses shining lights into my eyes and calling me "Kushina-chan" patronizingly.

"I don't know," Masami, the nurse that had been the kindest, responded quietly, sadly. "No one knows why he did it, Kushina-chan."

Then she bustled out from the room after quickly patting me on the head—presumably, to record my first word in over two weeks—and I was left alone with my far-too-loud thoughts.

* * *

 _While I did adjust quite well to the new environment, new social structure and new way of life,_ I think a little self-deprecatingly, _I'll never get used to jutsu._

I finish the last two hand signs, molding my chakra accordingly with an expression of concentration, and a near-perfect clone pops up next to me.

I scrutinize her, frowning at the too-full lips, the wide-set eyes, the undefined cheekbones. There have always been imperfections in my clones. Twenty-three years of seeing said imperfections in the mirror have left their mark, persisting even through four more years in a different body.

It's up to the Academy standards, though (not that those mean much, in this world it's kill or be killed, there's no room for mistakes) and Iruka gives me a kind smile.

"Congratulations, Kushina-chan, you passed! I'm very proud of you."

Once, I would have reflexively smiled back. As it is now, I've grown too used to analyzing people's motives (everyone has an ulterior motive, even if their actions seem to be in your best interest), and I can clearly see the worry hidden behind his dark eyes.

Naruto still hasn't figured out the bunshin, and if things go accordingly to the story I read once upon a time, he won't before a traitor and untimely revealed secrets force him to.

"I'm sure Naruto will pass," I tell him with a faint smile, and watch as his eyes go wide.

"How did you—never mind," Iruka cuts himself off with a shake of his head. He studies me inscrutably. "You've always been very perceptive."

"Mn," I hum neutrally. "I had to be."

Those four words say more than any flowery speech about my self-professed hatred for my brother could, and Iruka winces like I punched him.

"Here," he says, handing a packet of papers to me ( _louder than he needs to be, it's obvious he's uncomfortable_ ), "fill these out and turn them in tomorrow when you come to get your team assignments, okay? I have to finish testing."

I nod in acquiescence, turning away with the paperwork in hand as Iruka cries, "Uzumaki, Naruto!"

"Apples, paperwork, sealing book," I mutter to myself as I leave the Academy and break into a jog. The vendor I usually go to—Hagane-san's Fruit—will be closed at this hour, as Hagane-san isn't one of the late-night merchants.

 _I have to find a different shop,_ I realize with an unhappy frown (or what passes for an unhappy frown in this body—one could generously call it a downward twitch of the lips). The prospect of interacting with strangers leaves me feeling uneasy, but I know it's a fear I'll have to get over since the shinobi lifestyle in its very nature involves meeting unknown clients.

I let a soft sigh slip past my lips and speed up. Konoha gets dangerous at night—it _is_ a shinobi village, after all, and despite its claims of being the safest, the levels of crime are still atmospherically high compared to my old world—most likely due to the lack of a court system. I'm technically an adult now, and that means I'm responsible for anything that happens to me.

The thought is sobering, knowing that if I was attacked, I'd have to fend for myself.

Suddenly, a blur of yellow and orange whirls past me, seeming to be heading for the Hokage's Tower. I turn and squint at the rapidly disappearing figure.

It's Naruto—but what's he doing? I thought he failed and then—

...oh. This, then, is the start of the Plot.

This is where things really start to get interesting—where I can start making big changes and see the consequences of my actions thus far.

 _Take things one step at a time,_ I remind myself. _Don't get ahead of yourself here._

"Apples," I mumble quietly, to ground myself, and resume looking for a trustworthy merchant.

* * *

"Home sweet home," I say to no one in particular as I set my bags down, digging around in my pocket for my house key.

The modest, two-story villa I've made my home is off to the side of the main road, half-hidden among the trees. It is no place for an heiress to live, or so the caretakers the Hokage sent told me patronizingly. I had remained firm. I wasn't going to live in the home this body's biological parents had died in, and I wasn't a true heiress anyway.

Opening the door, I heft my groceries up again in one arm and step inside slowly, a habit trained into this body from the age of five. If you must carry something while entering a building, leave one arm free and keep your packages from obscuring your vision—the rationale drilled into every ninja while they're young and malleable. It seemed that everything in this world—every quirk the people around me exhibited, every difference from my own world of shining steel and light-up screens—was a product of a ninja mindset.

A mindset that I would have to train myself into having, I remembered with a frown as I set down my bags on the table and busied myself with putting everything away and starting a soup. Before-Kushina was, for lack of a better word, _squishy_. She was weak and emotional, crying at the slightest provocation and acting on instinct and not carefully reasoned plans.

I didn't know if I was even her anymore. How much of my personality was Uchiha Kushina, a girl whose chance at life had been ripped away far too early? How much of my personality was not _me_?

The soup began to boil, and I frowned down at it as if it would give me the answers to the questions that had been plaguing me for months. It certainly wasn't the soup's fault. In fact, it was one of my only connections to my real family—miso soup with eggplant had been the first thing my mother had taught me how to cook, after I had learned it was Kakashi's favorite food.

That was something I'd had to give up along with the civilian outlook and emotional security. Before-Kushina was a _rabid_ fangirl who cosplayed as her favorite characters, cheered on by her adoring younger sister and her long-suffering parents.

The reality was that, even if I managed to get past the enormous physical age difference and the taboo of a teacher-student romance, our personalities were just too incompatible. I'd never be able to stop seeing him as an object of pity, and something told me he really didn't want that in a romantic partner.

The smoke alarm on the ceiling blares, cutting off my internal monologue (I'm terribly fond of those, it seemed). I hurriedly check on the soup and nearly facepalm. I'd managed to burn water _again_.

I sigh exasperatedly, making the hand seals for a simple water jutsu to put out the flames. Monologuing is really a terrible trait to have as a ninja. At least I didn't do it in _battle_. I didn't have the skills to back up that kind of distraction—I wasn't the real Sasuke, after all.

Maybe that was a good thing. After all, canon Sasuke had not exactly been the paragon of good decision-making. I, even if I was as short-sighted as the original, at least had the benefit of foreknowledge.

 _Nope_ , I think resolutely, the beginnings of another monologue coming to a screeching halt. _Not doing that twice in one day._

Cooking might be a little too much for me at the moment, I conclude disappointedly after I nearly chop my index finger off while dicing onions. It's a good thing I bought apples (and that there are no responsible adults around to scold me for only eating fruit for dinner).

Settling into my couch crease with a book on intermediate-level sealing, I bite into the reddest apple I could find. Sealing is intense work, so I don't doubt that I'll need to eat more later. For now, though, I'll be fine.

After around an hour (and two more apples), the village-wide alarms sound in the pattern I've learned means "danger, stay at home unless you want to die a bloody and probably very painful death." It probably isn't the exact translation, but it's close enough.

I shut my book with a snap, shooting to my feet and shoving my hand into a pocket. The last time this happened was when—

The last time this happened, according to my history textbook, was the Uchiha Massacre. I frantically mentally review a list of canon events, wondering if I'd done anything to seriously screw up this world, when I realize what the alarms are for.

"Oops," I mumble to myself, embarrassed, "false alarm."

I'd even made a mental note that this would be happening earlier in the night, as well. It seemed that the general obliviousness to my surroundings had carried over from Before Kushina (a dangerous quality to have as a ninja; I'd have to train it out of myself someday).

I flop ungracefully back onto my couch with a groan, reopening my book to a page detailing, in gory detail, _exactly what_ will happen if you put the wrong amount of chakra into an explosive seal.

* * *

The next morning, I shower quickly (using neutral-scented soap—the flowery stuff is too easy to track) and throw on another set of all-black clothes. While Before-Kushina might have screamed a little at meeting her idol, I merely allow myself an upward twitch of the lips as I head out the door, lugging the apples I bought last night along with me.

"Naruto," I greet the dusky-orange-clad figure waiting for me outside. It's early, maybe six in the morning judging by the sun, but he doesn't seem to be tired.

"Hi, Kushina-chan," he says, with a fraction of his usual exuberance. I stare at him—usually I have to remind him to keep his voice down, that it isn't respectful to yell in a ghost town, but he seems to be doing that just fine today.

"What's gotten into you?" I wonder, looking at him searchingly. Then it hits me, and I internally sigh. Flakey as always, I'd forgotten what was probably the defining event in Naruto's character, even after the alarms last night (I _really_ had to get rid of that habit). Registering his deer-in-the-headlights look, I tack on, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Naruto shakes his head firmly. "Kushina-chan, I want to tell you," he says plaintively. "It's just—I'm not allowed to, dattebayo."

I raise an eyebrow. "Does this, by any chance, have any relation to the alarms last night?" Never let it be said that Uchiha Kushina was a bad liar.

"N-no!" Naruto denies unconvincingly, and he appears to know it, from the way he flushes and waves his hands in front of his face.

I shake my head and drop the subject. We walk in silence broken only by our footfalls on the dirt road. I wince as my leggings grow progressively dustier. Konoha's no urban city, that's for sure. The street cleaners do their best, but they're no match for good old cement.

"Ne, Kushina-chan," he starts, eyes wide with excitement, "what team do you think you'll be put on?"

I actually don't know the answer to that question. My immediate impulse is to say the original Team 7, but Naruto isn't dead last anymore, and Sakura isn't top kunoichi. There's an imbalance in the female-male ratio this year—ten to seventeen, as opposed to the usual nine to eighteen—which means there'll have to be two kunoichi on a team.

There are only three teams that'll pass, which means I already know who I might be on a team with. There's no way the Council will let the jounin-sensei fail any of the clan heirs or the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, so I'll be on a team with at least one person in that pool.

The obvious candidate for the dubious honor of teammate is Naruto—while he may not be dead last, he's dead last in the group I have to work with. I doubt the Academy sensei will want to break up the Ino-Shika-Cho, so there's three people out of the way.

Kiba and Shino will surely be placed together—there's a friendship between the Inuzuka and the Aburame that goes all the way back to the Nidaime. I want to say that Sakura will be the third member of my team, but curiously enough, she isn't even second best this year—Hinata is.

I'll have to do my best to get along with my team. whoever they may be. The original Team 7 hadn't gotten a lot of benefits that came with good teamwork, like team discounts on weapons and specialized sensei to improve the group as a whole. There were even attacks that revolved entirely around working together, such as purposely blinding yourself and your attackers, relying on your teammates (preferably Hyuuga) to direct you to the right targets.

Teamwork would be the key to gaining strength in this village. I wasn't the original Sasuke, and there was no guarantee I would be able to survive the oncoming shitstorm.

"Kushina-chan?" Naruto interrupts my thoughts, sounding worried.

"I don't know for sure," I say belatedly, "but most likely you and either Sakura or Hinata." I really, _really_ hope the team arrangements will stay canon. I've already done so much plotting, and scrapping it all would be, in the words of a Nara, troublesome.

"Yes!" Naruto whoops, skipping ahead for a few seconds before falling back into step with me. I roll my eyes. "Aw man, if Kushina-chan says she'll be on my team, then she must be, dattebayo!"

"While it's touching that you have such faith in me, Naruto," I say dryly, "remember that I am not Iruka-sensei or any of the other Academy sensei, okay?"

Naruto looks at me like I've grown another head. "But," he protests, "Kushina-chan is really smart!"

"Not smarter than Iruka-sensei, right?" I say patiently.

"No," Naruto agrees with a pout. "But still! Kushina-chan is _always_ right, dattebayo."

I wince at the undeserved trust in that statement. That's going to get him killed someday—

And then I realize that he'd had this much faith in the real Sasuke. He'd blindly trusted Sasuke not to defect from Konoha, not to destroy the Council, not to attempt to kill him time and time again.

Look where that got the canon Naruto.

 _(Really, though, it didn't end nearly as badly as it could have. Almost everyone_ important _survived.)_

"Naruto," I tell him heavily as the Academy comes into sight, "you shouldn't trust me this much. I don't deserve it."

Really, I don't. I've lied to everyone around me for four years—self-preservation or no, that fact alone should automatically disqualify me from being _anyone's_ precious person. I manipulate the emotions of my peers with barely any regret. I haven't attempted to completely stop the treatment Naruto receives at the hands of the Konoha villagers.

Before-Kushina would never even have considered trusting someone like me.

But before I can reveal everything I've been keeping from the world in an attempt to convince my best friend not to trust me, Naruto beams at me.

"Of course you're deserving of my trust, dattebayo! You're my precious friend, after all!"

...is that it? It seems like a silly reason to trust someone—friendship isn't usually permanent in this world of blood and betrayal.

 _(Neither is family.)_

It's strangely convincing to me, though, and I say nothing as I increase my pace, ducking my head down to hide the small smile creeping onto my face.

* * *

"Troublesome," Shikamaru complains as I pull out the chair next to him, looking over my shoulder warily at the oncoming horde of girls.

"Sorry," I say with a shrug. "I had to escape them somehow."

"By setting them on me?"

I have to smirk a little at how indignant he sounds. "Well, at least you're not alone," I offer unrepentantly. "Naruto and Choji have to deal with them too, you know."

"Troublesome," Shikamaru says again, slumping onto his desk with a sigh.

I roll my eyes and perform a quick henge into Kuroda Maki, the dead last who took Naruto's place, whom I'd seen graduate yesterday. I can't see him anywhere today, and I cross my fingers and hope he's late.

It turns out that getting genderswapped doesn't decrease the amount of fangirls you have. Either sexuality is really fluid in this generation, or some things are just constant in any universe. With any luck, most of them will come to their senses after graduation and I won't be harassed wherever I go. At any rate, none of the girls seem proficient enough to recognize the signs of a Henge, so I (and by extension Shikamaru) should be safe for now.

Iruka walks in, unnoticed among the clamour of recently-graduated Academy students excited to get their team assignments. Smiling pleasantly, he strolls casually to the front of the room and waits patiently. I watch in morbid fascination as a vein begins throbbing on his temple, getting larger by the second.

Finally, he snaps.

"Everyone, shut up and sit down!" he snaps, voice cutting through the noise in the classroom. The other students, of course, do as he says. No one here would ever _dream_ of crossing the man who could possibly even cow the Hokage.

 _(It's foolish to be afraid of a simple_ chuunin _, but then again, this entire village is foolish and soft.)_

Well, no one except Naruto. But even he's too excited to protest, mouth clamping shut as he scrambles to the desk in front of mine. I soundlessly release the Henge while the fangirls are distracted by the real Kuroda Maki bursting through the door and plopping into a chair.

"Sorry I'm late, Iruka-sensei," he gasps, bowing his head in apology.

"Weren't you already here?" Iruka wonders, turning his head to look at me. I shake my head and mouth an apology, hoping he'll understand. He does, and drops it, clearing his throat.

"Now that you've all graduated and become genin, you may think that the traditional career path is your only choice in life, but there are many more options than the Genin-Chuunin-Jounin track. For instance, you can..."

I'm not ashamed to say that I zone out his lecture. I can see half the room doing the same, so it's not like I'm alone. At least I snap back to attention when he starts reading off teams.

"Team One—Okimura Nao, Kagawa Kiko, Haruno Sakura. Your sensei is Morita Tara," Iruka says, and I barely resist the urge to slam my head on the desk and maybe scream a little.

I panic internally for long enough to miss teams two to six, but they'll probably fail, anyway (which is, ironically, probably the safer path to take in the long run, especially with how things are going to turn out—genin corps ninja run D-and-C-ranks, nothing higher than that).

"Team Seven—Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Hinata, Uchiha Kushina. Your sensei is Hatake Kakashi."

It's probably a good thing team training is about to begin—with the amount of plotting I'm going to have to do, I won't have time in the evenings for conditioning.

The problem is that I don't know if Kakashi was a good sensei or not. In the anime, all he taught Team 7 was tree-walking and a bit of teamwork. I can't see the Hokage or the Council letting him get away with that, though, especially since his team includes the Kyuubi jinchuuriki and the Last Uchiha.

It doesn't matter—if Kakashi ends up not teaching us anything, I'll just continue training on my own or find another sensei.

 _(Before-Kushina would have felt like she was betraying her idol by admitting he might not be perfect.)_

(Well, that's okay, because I'm not her anymore.)

 _Good._

 **end notes:** wow what are those mysterious italicized sentences in parentheses? and that last italicized word not in parentheses? you'll find out once kushina unlocks her sharingan. foreshadowing!  
can you tell the ending was hard to write because IT WAS  
just like the previous version of this story, if you leave a review and you're logged in, I'll send you a lil' drabble that's usually between 100-1k words. just extra incentive! one drabble will be posted to a side-fic every five chapters, so i guess if you hate happiness you can wait for that.  
 **chapter's drabble:** a conversation between before-kushina and kushina. it has a lot of plot-relevance and is 275 words long.  
thanks for reading!


	2. phoenix burning arc pt two

**chapter two: phoenix rising arc, part two  
notes:** when i was writing this chapter i got about 2k words in before i realized i'd switched tenses halfway through lol it was a mess. also hinata's stutter is so hard to write without being obnoxious! it did great things for my word count though haha anyway i hope you like it even though it's mostly filler! plot stuff will happen soon, i hope. **  
chapter's fic rec:** the classics—dreaming of sunshine, by silver queen; catch your breath, by lang noi; vapors/clarity, by electra5even; of the river and the sea, by aleycat4eva; iryo-nin kasa, by vaengir; deja vu no jutsu, by vixen tail; etc. you've probably read most, if not all, of these if you're reading this fic. **  
chapter's song:** venus, by lady gaga (it's a good song okay don't judge me) **  
word count:** ~3666 omg devil worship **  
warnings:** use of slurs against prostitutes (idk i warned you), a HUMAN OC and a rant about human selfishness in the bottom notes **  
disclaimer:** kishimoto owns naruto! i'm just playing in his sandbox.

" _The nice thing about teamwork is that you always have others on your side."  
-Margaret Carty_

Kakashi is late.

It isn't a surprise—Obito's "death" happened when this body had been a baby's, after all—but his chronic tardiness is still aggravating, even if I do understand the reasons behind it.

Well, it isn't like I haven't been expecting to have a few hours with nothing to do, anyway.

I give each of my new teammates a once-over. Naruto is bouncing excitedly in his seat next to HInata, his new headband proudly displayed on his forehead. Hinata, in contrast, is bright red at his proximity, pushing her index fingers together self-consciously.

"Hyuuga-san, are you okay?" I ask, lips twitching downward into an approximation of a frown. "You look a little red."

"I-I'm okay, Uchiha-san," Hinata stutters, blushing harder (if that's even possible). "T-thank you for your c-concern."

...that confidence issue is going to be a problem. I resolve to fix it as quickly as possible.

"If we're going to be teammates, I should watch out for you, right?" I ask rhetorically. "That being said, have either of you eaten yet?"

I get two "no"s in quick succession, and nod decisively. "Come eat lunch with me. It'll be our first bonding exercise as a team."

"Okay!" Naruto cheers, bounding out of his chair and coming to stand next to me. "Hey, we should go to Ichiraku's, dattebayo! Hinata-chan, have you eaten there before?"

Hinata makes a small noise in the back of her throat and buries her face in the collar of her jacket. "U-um, no," she says quietly, voice muffled by the fabric. "B-but, Uchiha-san, shouldn't w-we wait for our sensei to arrive? W-won't it be disrespectful t-to just leave?"

Good, she can stand up for her sense of propriety.

 _(There's still a lot of work to be done. I don't see why you're wasting your time on a lost cause.)_

"Hatake Kakashi has a _reputation_ ," I tell my new teammate seriously. "Both for combat efficiency and for being late all the time. If the stories my mother told me are true, he won't be here for at least another three hours."

"Three hours?" Naruto interjects indignantly. "I'm _starving_ , dattebayo!"

"Yes," I say patiently, "which is why I suggested we go get lunch together."

"B-but," Hinata starts, and I carefully avoid talking over her. The poor girl must get enough of that from her own father—it's no wonder she's learned to avoid speaking up over time.

"If you don't want to go, it's okay," I reassure her softly. "I have apples in my bag—we can have those for a light lunch."

"No!" Hinata protests, shaking her head quickly. Looking embarrassed at her sudden outburst, she goes on to say, "U-um, I mean, w-we can go to Ichiraku's, i-if you want."

"Yay!" Naruto chirps, punching the air gracelessly. "Hey, Hinata-chan, what's your favorite type of ramen?"

"Don't overwhelm her, Naruto," I chide him, seeing the way Hinata's face flushes and her breathing quickens slightly. "Most people don't deal that well with your hyperactivity, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto grumbles, but he does lay off her a little, so I consider that a success.

I unceremoniously usher our little group past Iruka, who's hunched over his desk doing paperwork, and out the doors of the Academy.

Ichiraku's is the most well-known ramen stand around, but it wasn't always this popular. In fact, probably the main reason for the sudden rise in popularity is that during his reign, there were always rumors of the Fourth Hokage and his wife hanging around the place (though no one who was willing to share ever confirmed them). Now, it's become sort of a good luck charm—some superstitious civilian claimed that they'd seen the Yondaime's ghost hanging around there, and gossip spreads quickly in a village full of ninja.

"They say that coming to Ichiraku's before missions is good luck," I say offhandedly as we weave our way through the crowd, pretending not to notice the pointed glares thrown Naruto's way.

"Really?" the blond says, "That means I'll never fail a mission, dattebayo!"

"It's just luck," I say with a frown aimed his way, "and that you already have plenty of."

Hinata giggles unexpectedly, and flushes when Naruto gives her an inquisitive look.

"U-um, I was just thinking, about the time N-Naruto-kun painted the Hokage Monument, a-and, um, Iruka-sensei told him t-that if he could get a quiz eighty percent correct, he w-wouldn't punish him, and, u-um, then he g-guessed all the answers correctly..."

Her voice fades into almost nothing at the end, and she ducks her face into her collar, but that might be the most I've ever heard her say at once.

"Oh yeah!" Naruto says. "That!"

"Oh yeah," I echo, much more blandly, "that."

Hinata smiles into her jacket—I can see the corners of her mouth lifting—but doesn't say anything, probably because we're almost at Ichiraku's. The smell of savory broth wafts towards us invitingly, and I can practically hear Naruto vibrating with excitement.

Naruto barrels into the stand with his customary enthusiasm, and Hinata and I follow more sedately.

"Hello, Teuchi-san," I say politely as the ramen cook lifts a hand in greeting. "Could I have one shrimp ramen, please?"

"Miso!" Naruto exclaims right after me, and pumps a fist in the air for emphasis.

"U-um, whatever N-Naruto-kun recommends," Hinata says with a hesitant smile.

"That'll be miso," Teuchi tells her with a fond smile. "Should I put the bill on Naruto's tab?"

"No," I say, already digging into my wallet for the right bills, "I'll pay."

I wave off my teammates' near-simultaneous protests and hand the money to Teuchi. "I expect both of you to treat in the future, so don't feel indebted."

Naruto and Hinata nod in understanding. Debts are like anathema to a ninja (well, at least if you aren't good enough to outrun the collectors), and the Academy has drilled into its students' heads to avoid them if at all possible.

While we wait for Teuchi to make a new batch, Naruto brings up the subject of missions.

"Hey, what kind of missions do you think we'll get?" he asks. "I hope we'll get to guard a princess, dattebayo!"

Hinata and I glance at each other in mutual exasperation—it's good that she doesn't hero-worship Naruto to the point where she believes he can do no wrong—before she turns to reply. "N-Naruto-kun, genin usually s-start off with D-Ranks."

"Yeah," I chime in, "like cleaning people's yards or finding lost cats. It's basically getting paid to do household chores." They were actually immensely helpful for Konoha, as there was no shortage of civilians willing to pay the ninja administration to get genin to do their work for them (with a cut to the people actually doing the work, of course). It wouldn't be a stretch to say that D-Ranks were the backbone of our economy. That didn't mean I couldn't be resentful of them, though.

 _(You could just leave this silly village. There's no strength to be gained here.)_

Naruto looks crushed. "B-but I thought we were _ninja_ now!"

"O-once we get strong enough, we'll b-be able to take p-princess guarding missions," Hinata hurriedly reassures him as our ramen arrives.

"Thank you," I say to Teuchi as he hands me a bowl filled to the brim with broth. "Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu," Naruto and Hinata echo a few seconds later.

It's quiet—a rare occurrence with Naruto around—and I take the opportunity to plan for the bell test. If my notes from when I could still recall minor details from the show are correct, Kakashi will be superficially testing us on the three ninja fundamentals: ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu. In canon, Naruto was tested on taijutsu, Sasuke was tested on ninjutsu, and Sakura was tested on genjutsu. Of course, Kakashi was actually looking for teamwork, which they failed to show.

In order to pass his test the first time around—and we _will_ , how am I supposed to change the tragedies to come if I can't even show teamwork to my jounin-sensei—we'll have to work together. Which, of course, means that I'll have to know each of our strengths.

Naruto, I know, is pants at anything that requires chakra control. On the bright side, he could potentially be used as a distraction. He's also pretty good at thievery, misdirection, and trapping (I pointedly ignore the fact that those skills are all necessary to survive in the Red Light District).

Canon Hinata was great at taijutsu for a recently-graduated Academy student (not so much by the standards of her clan). She'd never been shown using any kind of ninjutsu or genjutsu, though.

The Hyuuga clan taijutsu style isn't a bad style. Indeed, if so many clan members can rely solely on it and still be high-level ninja, with enough practice its users could probably brute-force their way out of most situations. But Hinata isn't that good yet—she's only a genin, after all—and to even slow down an elite jounin like Hatake Kakashi she'll need all the advantages she can get.

"Hyuuga-san, do you know any ninjutsu or genjutsu?"

It's an invasive question for ninja, since most have been trained from birth to keep their abilities under wraps, but Hinata doesn't seem to mind.

"U-um, the Hyuuga c-clan doesn't approve of m-me using anything other than our t-taijutsu style."

"That's stupid!" Naruto declares. "Just 'cause some of you guys are really strong doesn't mean you hafta do what they do, dattebayo."

I tilt my head to one side and consider the new information. These restrictions might be because Hinata's the (nominal) heir, but come to think of it, I've never seen any Hyuuga use any jutsu other than the Basic Three. The Hyuuga clan is notorious for having the most traditional views of the Four Noble Clans (well, three now. I doubt two known members constitute a clan), so it wouldn't be too much a stretch to assume that no members are allowed to use jutsu—probably to keep the clan "pure."

If that's the case, Hinata won't be learning any things outside of her clan any time soon. Theoretically, I could—as the last loyal Uchiha—make a request for the Hokage to order Hinata's father to allow her to learn non-clan techniques, but that would involve a lot of compromises and sacrifices on my end. Clan politics are above my pay grade.

Hinata had survived just fine in canon, hadn't she? And she'd had teammates like Kiba and Shino, who weren't going to be winning any motivation prizes any time soon.

 _(Rationalizing selfishness is just deluding yourself.)_

"Kushina-chan!" Naruto says, poking me in the stomach. I recoil instinctively, curling protectively over myself. This body is ticklish at the most inconvenient of times.

"What?"

"Why'd you suddenly ask that out of nowhere and then space out?" Naruto demands between sips of soup. I wince at the slurping noise he makes.

Hinata, though she doesn't say anything, looks curious.

"Well," I start, "I was planning for our genin test."

Naruto looks like I've slapped him. "What? You mean there's _another_ one? You gotta be kidding, dattebayo!"

"Y-yes," Hinata agrees with a tremulous smile, "I-I've never heard of a test a-after graduation."

Oh. The genin test is a secret.

Shit.

"I asked a senpai," I improvise wildly. "He's in the genin corps because his team failed their test. I asked if there was anything I needed to know before I got my team, and he said there was another test."

"He was probably pranking you, dattebayo," Naruto says hopefully. "If Hinata-chan, who's part of a huge clan, doesn't know about this, then it's probably not a thing."

"Um," Hinata says, "A-actually, I once overheard s-some jounin in our clan c-complaining about having to think up a t-test. S-so, um, I don't know if that's this t-test, but..."

This body has been trained out of shrugs, but I can convey the same meaning by spreading my hands. "We'll see. He'll probably inform us about it ahead of time if there is one."

"Yeah," Naruto agrees, then appears to remember something. "Hey, Hinata-chan, how d'you like the ramen? You should try some more!"

The subject changed, I allow my subconsciously tensed shoulders to relax, prop my chin up on one hand, and finish my ramen.

* * *

On the way back to the Academy, Naruto almost takes a shortcut through the Red Light District.

It's by accident, which is probably worse, because that means he's _used_ to walking among two-cent whores and akasenko, among the worst this world has to offer—the people even seasoned chuunin avoid if they know what's good for them.

(A few bills slipped discreetly into a hand or the promise of pain in the future can grease a lot of transactions. A civilian can take down a ninja if they know how to use their resources. The Academy warns its students not to get too cocky for this reason.)

"Naruto, where are you going?" I ask, a little nervously. I'd ventured in once, when I hadn't known Konoha as well, and almost lost a finger. I'm not keen on repeating the experience.

Naruto blinks, then realizes where he's headed. "Oh! Sorry, Kushina-chan, Hinata-chan. Guess I got distracted and took my usual route."

Hinata and I share a look.

"I mean," Naruto continues obliviously, "I don't know why everyone doesn't like this place. It isn't that bad, dattebayo. Some of the people are pretty nice, you know?"

I have to consciously keep my mouth shut. Contesting Naruto on this opinion would only end up hurting the team.

Hinata has come to the same conclusion, from the way her eyebrows draw together and her mouth presses into a straight line. No doubt this is a mantra that has been drilled into her very bones: Every action you take should be for the good of the team.

 _(Konoha believes friendship and love can withstand the real world. Another reason why this fool village is soft.)_

"Anyway," I say, clearing my throat, "Hyuuga-san, do you mind checking to see if anyone is waiting for us at the Academy?"

"N-no," Hinata says, making the hand seals to activate her Byakugan. "Um, n-no one is there other than I-Iruka-sensei."

I check the sun. "Well, our new sensei is four hours late. It doesn't look like he'll be showing up any time soon. We probably don't have to head back now."

Had he been this late in the show? From what I remember, he only made the original Team 7 wait for two or three hours.

"What if he arrives and we're not there?" Naruto protests. "He'll think we don't care about being ninja, dattebayo!"

"Fair point," I concede with a tilt of my head. "What do you think, Hyuuga-san?"

Hinata begins to answer, but is interrupted by a wolf whistle from a nearby alleyway.

"'Ey, Daichi, look at the new ninja girlies!"

"Think they'll be up for a lil' fun?"

 _(D_ i _s_ g _u_ s _t_ i _n_ g. _)_

I send the culprits the Level Ten Uchiha Glare and ignore the feeling of self-satisfaction as the whistle cuts off abruptly.

"You were saying?" I prompt Hinata gently.

"U-um, I think we should probably g-go back to the Academy," she says, periodically glancing nervously at the alley.

"And get out of this place," I agree, "Naruto, do you know the way to the Academy from here?"

"Yeah, Kushina-chan," he confirms, looking uncharacteristically solemn. "Follow me."

We do.

(This will set the tone for our team dynamic, though none of us know it yet.)

* * *

It takes us a little longer than usual to get back to the Academy, since Naruto insisted on stopping by Ichiraku's _again_ , for good luck.

Teuchi shoos him off in short order (after Naruto had wheedled him into giving us more ramen at half price), and we end up back at the Academy a little after one.

"Why isn't our sensei here yet?" Naruto whines, flopping onto the nearest desk.

"Patience," I chide him, settling onto my own desk.

"I-I believe he will arrive s-soon," Hinata offers. "U-um, it has already been f-four and a half hours. Surely whatever h-he has to take care of doesn't take t-that long."

"Speak of the devil," I mumble as an obnoxiously spiky head of silver hair pokes its way into the doorway. It's soon followed by a familiar masked face, visible eye curved into a smile.

"Yo!" Kakashi says, just as Naruto growls and lunges for him.

"You bastard, you were supposed to meet us five hours ago!"

"Four and a half," Kakashi corrects him, easily sidestepping Naruto's punch. "Now, since I don't want to waste any time—"

"Then maybe you should have arrived earlier, dattebayo!"

"—meet me on the roof," Kakashi says, ignoring the yelled protest.

"...and he's gone," I say in slight disbelief, staring at the spot where our new jounin-sensei used to be. Knowing of his penchant for annoying people isn't even close to experiencing it in person.

"W-we should go to the roof," Hinata suggests, looking utterly nonplussed.

I stretch my arms out, cracking my knuckles. "We can probably scale the wall."

"Let's do it, dattebayo!" Naruto chirps, already running to the window.

I surreptitiously check the carry-out containers that hold our leftover ramen on my way to follow him. Of course, his bowl is empty.

"Do you know how to tree-walk?" I ask Hinata, one foot on the window sill. "If you do, you should apply it here."

She gives a confirming hum and walks over to join me. "M-my father taught me. A-all Hyuuga children are e-expected to be able to control the chakra i-involved in our taijutsu style."

"Ah," I say in response. Without Naruto, my lack of social skills usually ends up killing whatever progress I've made towards forming friendships, so it's probably better if I don't say anything.

It's been a while since I've last practiced the skill, but it comes back to me as easily as breathing.

 _(See your potential? This village is holding you back.)_

Channel chakra to the tenketsu in the feet. Expel just the right amount to keep you on the wall. Take a step, and repeat.

It seems incredibly tedious, but I'd always found it relaxing. There was a certain rhythm to it, if you did the steps right.

"You've finally arrived," Kakashi says from where he's lounging on the railing of the roof. I scowl at him—Academy students aren't supposed to learn how to tree-climb until they graduate, and walking up the walls of the building (which are designed to be less chakra-receptive than trees) is a feat in and of itself.

Then there's Naruto, who climbed up the nearly entirely smooth wall without any application of chakra at all. Some _chuunin_ can't do that.

I end up not voicing any of these thoughts, merely vaulting over the railing and sitting down on one of the benches. Naruto and Hinata join me after a moment, and we stare at our new jounin-sensei, united in our annoyance.

"Alright, cute little genin," Kakashi starts with an infuriating eye-crease, "introduce yourselves. Names, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, that sort of thing. Grouchy, you go first."

"Uchiha Kushina," I say, increasing the level of my glare. "I like reading, sealing, and tomatoes. I dislike disloyal people, late people—" Naruto gives a vindictive nod "—and avocados. My hobbies are training and cleaning up after Naruto's pranks. My dream is to talk to my brother."

And it was true—I do want to talk to Itachi. The previous occupant of this body had loved him so, so much, and a lot of the emotion bled over through the mind transfer, without any of the hatred the real Sasuke had experienced. I wanted to see what kind of boy had sparked that kind of desperate dependency.

"Your brother?" Naruto questions, utterly oblivious as always.

I hum in agreement, but don't elaborate.

"Okay," Kakashi says at length, "now you, Blondie."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!" Naruto says excitedly. "I like nice people and ramen! I don't like, um, people who are mean. My hobby is pranking, I guess. My dream is to become a Hokage everyone in the village will recognize!"

Kakashi blinks, then his eye creases. "And, last but not least, Scaredy."

I glare at him. Hinata's self-confidence is already low enough without him poking at it and bringing her down.

"U-um, my name is Hyuuga H-Hinata," she says quietly. "I l-like nature and red b-bean soup, and I dislike seafood. M-my hobbies are gardening and reading, and my dream i-is to one day b-become a good leader and r-reform my clan."

There's a long silence after she finishes. Kakashi abruptly breaks it by cheerfully announcing, "Now that we've got those out of the way, you should know that now you aren't automatically genin."

"I told you so," I hiss at Naruto, who crosses his arms and pouts.

Kakashi stares at me. "Then you know that sixty-six percent of people who take this test fail, right?"

I nod. "Yes, but the person who told me about it wasn't very forthcoming on the details."

"I guess I'll have to provide them, then," Kakashi chirps, eye creasing into a smile again. "This test will be a survival test. Your opponent will be me."

"B-but," Hinata protests, "aren't y-you supposed to be t-training us?"

"This is a test to weed out the weak," Kakashi says, still disturbingly cheerful. "If you can't face me, you don't deserve to be genin."

"Don't worry, Hinata-chan," Naruto assures, patting her on the back and appearing oblivious to her startled squeak and the shade of red her face turns. "I bet this guy's a pushover! We'll beat him easily, dattebayo."

"Hey," Kakashi says, standing up and dusting off his standard issue ninja pants, "don't eat breakfast. You'll throw up. Meet me at Training Ground Three tomorrow at eight."

Then he's gone.

"Dramatic," I remark dryly, getting up and stretching. "Naruto, Hyuuga-san, I'm leaving. You should go to bed."

"Good night," Naruto chirps. "I'm going to go home and train some more, dattebayo!"

"G-good night, Uchiha-san," Hinata adds, and we part ways.

 **end notes:** okay so obviously kushina is selfish, like normal people. she still isn't sold on the idea of giving everything for just a few people. also, i know she's a little problematic hoe at some points (the use of the phrase "two-cent whores" is most certainly one of them). remember that she's human and flawed! not everyone can be completely open-minded.  
last chapter, lots of people pointed out that;; um, I accidentally wrote iruka saying "uchiha sasuke" instead of "uchiha kushina" I just wanted to assure you all that kushina is named kushina lol  
soo, as that error proves, I kinda need a beta. anyone up for being my sounding board? pm me if you're interested and have a story up for me to read, please!  
also, thanks so much for the huge response! (111 follows? wow!)  
 **chapter's drabble:** okay so last chapter the review responses and drabbles were a little late because i couldn't see any of the reviews due to a site glitch;; BUT hopefully this time it'll be a little smoother. this chapter's drabble is a missing scene involving the new jounin-sensei and a bar. it's 349 words long. there's some hints as to the new member of Team 8!  
thanks for reading!


	3. phoenix burning arc pt three

**phoenix rising arc; part three  
notes:** i'm so sorry this is late! i tried to make it super long to make up for the delay, but that was just delaying it more... i've been kinda stressed lately 'cause it's almost exam season so...  
i hope you all had great holidays!  
 **chapter's fic rec:** this is yuri on ice, but until my feet bleed and my heart aches by reiya on ao3 is really good! it's angsty, but good.  
 **chapter's song:** shape of you, by ed sheeran.  
 **word count:** ~5.9k please kill me  
 **warnings:** very badly written fight scenes. also more selfishness, whining, n weird prophetic dreams. **  
disclaimer:** okay but does masashi kishimoto have a twitter account dedicated to troye sivan?

"The greed and selfishness of men are perpetual."  
-William Graham Summer

I'm standing in the middle of a strangely familiar courtyard. It's empty, and something in me aches. This isn't how it's supposed to be, the part of me I'd pushed away whispers insidiously. This courtyard should be bustling with people going about their daily business. This silence is... unnatural.

Footsteps sound, loud against the flagstone street. I look up and see a familiar face. I vaguely recognize it as the one I once owned, before everything went to hell in a basket and I was reborn into a world I only half remembered.

But her hair is still as shining and lustrous as it ever was and there are no bags under her eyes. Even though she's wearing the familiar hospital gown that always itched in uncomfortable places, I almost don't recognize her as the me that once was.

"Hey," she greets, coming to a stop in front of me. "Nice night we're having."

"Mn," I say in agreement, because what the hell, this isn't the weirdest thing that's happened to me yet.

"Do you remember your old home?" she asks, apropos of nothing, gesturing expansively to the world around us. The sky is gray from smoke, there's trash lining the sidewalks, and the buildings are drab and lifeless. It's still home, though, so I nod.

Her face contorts into a snarl. "How can you say that," she demands, "if you've rejected me?"

"I can't afford that kind of weakness. Not in this world, at least."

"Are you sure those are your thoughts?"

"Of course they're my thoughts," I say impatiently. "Whose else would they be? _Yours?_ "

She tilts her head to one side. "Mn, I don't know, maybe... hers?"

I follow the line of her finger to see a small figure slipping silently back into an alleyway. It appears to be a young girl—maybe around eight or nine years old. Her eyes are red, I realize with a start, and spinning with the Sharingan.

"The real Kushina?"

"Yeah," Kushina snaps, emerging from the shadows. "That's me, and don't you forget it. You're just an imposter in this body, and I'm gonna get it back someday, just you wait."

I whirl around and stare at Before-Kushina. "This is in my mind? She's still in my mind?"

"You can't let her have control," Before-Kushina tells me sternly, as if she'd known about my immediate impulse to give up responsibility for the fate of this world, what could a nine-year-old do to it anyway, "she'll destroy everything you've worked for."

"What if I don't care?"

"Get out," she snaps, and the world fades to black.

* * *

I wake with a start and a feeling of overall doom. The dream is already fading from my mind, as usual. All I can remember is a feeling of desperation and selfishness.

...not really anything out of the usual, I admit to myself in a rare moment of honesty.

 _(Good qualities for you to have, little imposter. It'll only make my inevitable return easier.)_

I shudder a little, checking the alarm clock by my bed. It's probably the only thing in the room that's mine.

Of course, everything in this entire district is mine legally, but this clock is the only thing that makes this room different from the one the real Kushina would have known. I wonder, sometimes, if I've left it this way in her memory. It's something the me from before might have done, but unnecessary sentiment will only get you killed in this world.

 _(Silly child. Why honor the one who will kill you?)_

It's around four in the morning—a time Before-Kushina would never even consider waking at. In a world where you can never really be completely off your guard, it's become almost routine for me to get up this early.

I grab the kunai from under my pillow sleepily as I crawl out from under my covers—another habit I've been forced to adopt through conditioning and sheer repetition—and begin my morning stretches. I probably should be doing these on the floor, but no one's ever told me not to stretch in bed.

"Don't do that."

Well.

I spring out of bed, vaguely registering the cold wooden floorboards beneath my bare feet. The kunai in my hand flies towards the source of the noise before I register the throwing motion, and I follow up with another from the pouch tied around my leg automatically.

Then I blink. It's Kakashi.

"Sensei," I acknowledge, collecting the two kunai offered to me and storing them back in my pouch. "You're up... early."

"Maa," Kakashi says, waving a hand casually, "I had a feeling you were doing something bad for you. Don't stretch on a soft surface." He seems uncharacteristically serious.

"Sorry," I say, not really meaning it, and drop onto the floor to restart my stretches.

"That's all I had to say," Kakashi says, shrugging. He considers my shivering form for a second, then disappears in a swirl of leaves.

"That was odd," I mutter to myself with a frown, then mentally brush off the incident. Though many people have tried, no one has ever uncovered anything about Hatake Kakashi he didn't want them to.

Well, other than me. But then again, watching his backstory in animated form in another universe doesn't really count as uncovering.

As I switch to a side straddle, a blanket settles over me. I look up in surprise. No one's there.

Huh.

* * *

Engrossed in a sealing book that describes the different types of barrier seals, I don't notice the time until it's already six-thirty. Kakashi wanted us to meet at Training Ground Three at seven.

"Shit," I curse, jumping off the couch. Naruto definitely won't wake up in time if I don't go and get him, and I still have to make us bentos.

I forego the elaborate rice animals I usually make Naruto in return for ninjutsu help, replacing them with simple onigiri. He won't mind today, I'm sure—he'll probably be too busy worrying about the test. Completing the two bentos with some apple slices, I pack them into my bag and hurry out of my apartment.

"Naruto!" I yell, bashing my fist against his apartment door. "Wake up and hurry up!"

"'Kay, Kushina-chan!" Naruto calls, and I hear a bang and a muffled swear. "Sorry!"

"It's already six fifty-five," I tell him as he throws the door open, stepping back to avoid being hit by it. "We should hurry if we want to get to the training ground on time."

"Um, okay," Naruto says, scratching at the back of his head, "but yesterday, didn't you say that he had a pretty long tardy streak? He'll probably be late again, dattebayo."

I pretend to consider this. "Well, he won't be late to our team test, right? I mean, it's actually important. Well, more important than our first meeting, at least."

I don't really have a justification for wanting to be punctual, especially since I already know he'll be at least two hours late. I could probably be more productive not waiting at a training ground for that long, but my instinct is to be there anyway.

I'd already changed the team assignments, a pivotal part of the Plot. Who's to say I hadn't made Kakashi want to be early for once?

...it was kind of unlikely, but it was a possibility.

 _(Interesting that mental quirks carry over from past lives, little imposter. Your flaws just make my job easier, in the long run.)_

Naruto looks a little skeptical (fair enough, my reasoning was pretty flimsy), but lets himself be dragged out of his apartment and onto the way to Training Ground Three without comment. Something in my gut untwists as we arrive exactly on time, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Hyuuga-san," I greet politely, and Hinata rises gracefully from her seat beneath a small tree.

"Uchiha-san, Naruto-kun," she says with a return bow. Her face is slightly pink, but it's a marked improvement from the near-fainting at the mere sight of Naruto.

Digging into the bag I brought with me, I offer her a bento. "Did you eat yet? Don't listen to Hatake-san, if you don't eat, you won't have any strength to do whatever he'll throw at us."

Hinata nods timidly, accepting the bento. "Y-yes, that makes sense. Why would h-he lie to us, though? Isn't it in his b-best interest to teach us good habits?"

"It doesn't really affect him if he plans to fail us. Though, if he's loyal to Konoha, he shouldn't be sabotaging the newly graduated forces. Maybe it's also a test?"

Hinata shrugs but offers no alternative suggestions, snapping open her pair of disposable chopsticks and daintily picking up an apple slice. Naruto, who looks a little confused, nevertheless takes the bento I hand him and digs in.

"Would you like to spar to warm up?" I offer Hinata, glancing perfunctorily at the sun. "It doesn't look like our sensei will be here any time soon."

"I told you so, dattebayo," Naruto whines, but goes ignored.

"O-of course," Hinata says, stepping forward to make the one-handed seal of confrontation with me. I stand up and return the gesture.

"Naruto, referee," I tell him, settling into the Uchiha Clan Taijutsu starting position. Though the clan's taijutsu style isn't really suited to a kunoichi's usual build, it would raise too many questions if I stopped using it—something about dishonoring my dead family.

In my mind, it would be dishonoring them further if I died because their taijutsu style was too shinobi-oriented. The Uchiha clan was the only clan that persisted, in general, in believing that kunoichi were weaker than shinobi.

When you think about it that way, it really is no surprise they were all exterminated. Their overall sense of entitlement and backwards mindset meant that it was just a matter of time before someone snapped.

Everyone in Konoha was expecting it, if only subconsciously. They just weren't expecting something so extreme.

"Sure," Naruto agrees, jolting me out of my monologue. "Three."

Hinata visibly tenses, dropping into the Jyuuken base stance.

"Two."

 _(In the real world you don't get any preparation time.)_

"One."

 _(Go.)_

"Go."

Hinata blurs into motion, and I instinctively dart back to shield myself from her devastating blows. She's unconsciously pulling them—a little insulting, but not enough for me to give up that advantage—but one hit to a vital area and my greatest weapon is taken out of my arsenal. Such is the power of the Jyuuken, in a world reliant on chakra.

I flip over her head, trying for a roundhouse kick. It won't connect, but it'll occupy Hinata while I prepare my real weapon.

Paper seals are inconvenient and applying them is clumsy, but I haven't built up the understanding of seal design necessary to apply them by touch alone. Instead, I've settled for keeping a stash of useful seals predrawn on slips of paper in my kunai holster. The strategy isn't perfect—not by a long shot—but it works.

So what if I have to use exorbitant amounts of ninja wire to actually activate the seals? It's not like the Uchiha will be using any of their stash any time soon.

 _(How dare you, they were the best clan, now they're all dead, hIsfAuLtHiSfAuLtHiSfAuLt_ — _)_

I mentally swear and slam a light explosive seal down, leaping away as Hinata closes in, aiming for the tenketsu points on my wrist. Instead of following through when she misses, Hinata seems to freeze up when she sees the seal. It's only for a fraction of a second, but a fraction of a second can make all the difference in ninja fights.

A fraction of a second is all it takes for my chakra to travel down the ninja wire and activate the seal.

Fortunately for Hinata, all this particular one does is cause a lot of smoke—at the least, she'll be lightly singed. Its main purpose—in sparring, at least—is to confuse my opponent.

Hinata has fallen out of her Jyuuken stance, blindsided by the lack of explosion. I take the opportunity to slip under her guard and press a kunai to her neck.

"Yield," I pant. She nods carefully, wary of the sharp blade threatening to pierce her jugular.

I remove it and make the seal of reconciliation, offering Hinata a faint smile. The spar had only lasted a minute, but we'd almost been evenly matched.

"Hyuuga-san, I would recommend that you spar with Naruto. When I activated the non-exploding seal, you didn't react quickly enough to get back into the match. You need to work on thinking on your feet. Naruto is quite unpredictable, so he may be a good match for you."

Hinata looks a little hurt at first, but I cock my head to the side, and her expression clears. "U-um, Uchiha-san, I-I think your application of s-seals was clumsy. M-maybe you could work on pulling them out f-faster, or, um, applying them b-by touch?"

She's still more uncertain than I'd like. "Mn," I agree, slipping my hand into my kunai pouch. "Unfortunately, I'm not advanced enough in sealing to do that. I'm working on it, though. Thank you for the advice, Hyuuga-san."

Naruto looks between us. "Um, everything looked good to me, dattebayo! Hinata-chan, wanna spar?"

I blink, watching Hinata's face flush a bright pink. She stutters out an agreement, and I quickly get out of their way, counting down from three as I do so.

They leap towards one another in blurs of orange and lavender, and I shift my attention to my sealing work. If Hinata had even hit me once in that spar, it would have been over all too quickly. If I want to survive the coming years, I'll have to step up my training.

* * *

Hinata ends up winning their short spar, despite clearly being unwilling to harm Naruto. If I didn't know that reluctance to cause harm could kill her, I'd almost call it cute.

 _(Weak. We could do so much better, little imposter.)_

Naruto and Hinata make the seal of reconciliation and sit next to me.

"Kushina-chan! Did you see how awesome Hinata-chan was in that fight, dattebayo? Wasn't she great? She totally kicked my ass!"

It's... unusual for Naruto to be so excited about defeat. He's probably (at least subconsciously) picked up on Hinata's lack of self-confidence—it's kind of obvious. Clearly, it had been possible to miss; the canon version of him hadn't noticed, so I'm grudgingly proud of him nonetheless.

I give him an approving nod over Hinata's ducked head. "Yes, she was impressive. However, she was pulling her blows."

Hinata buries her face into her collar in shame.

"Not that it's a bad thing," I hurry to add on. "At least, when you're sparring with allies. You might want to work on that before you get into any real combat situations."

I seem to be making things worse, I note with a faint feeling of resignation. Social skills are an important skill to have—it's too bad before-Kushina hadn't realized it.

 _(You wouldn't need those "skills" if you just left this pathetic village.)_

Sighing, I sit back and let Naruto work his magic. In a matter of minutes, Hinata's back straightens and, while her flush doesn't completely go away, it does subside a little. "T-thank you, Uchiha-san, for the advice."

"Don't thank Kushina-chan!" Naruto insists, looking indignant. "Even if she didn't mean to, she still made you feel bad, dattebayo!"

"S-she was trying to help me," Hinata counters, "she just expressed h-herself in a way that hurt my feelings. T-teammates can be a little harsh t-to each other, sometimes."

She darts a quick glance at me and begins stammering apologies for her presumption.

"No," I say, feeling oddly detached, "It's okay. We are teammates after all, Hinata-san."

This, of course, causes Hinata to fall backwards in a dead faint.

"Kushina-chan!" Naruto scolds, catching her easily. "You shouldn't say that to people so suddenly, dattebayo!"

I roll my eyes, trying to quash the stubborn feeling of warmth in my chest. "Dobe, don't talk as if you do any better. She practically faints any time you say anything."

"Hey! I'm not even dead last!" Naruto says indignantly. "Don't call me that!"

"Dobe," I repeat, smirking at him.

Naruto howls and throws himself at me.

* * *

Kakashi arrives to a puppy pile of genin. Hinata appears to have fainted, and Naruto and Kushina look like they've been throwing dirt at each other. They're arguing as Kakashi approaches—something about class rankings and test scores. Kushina gives him a deadpan look—people do that a lot around him, really, he isn't sure why—and nudges Naruto's shoulder.

The blond turns and immediately begins lecturing him about the evils of tardiness.

"-an' Iruka-sensei said that if you're late, you're more likely to be hated among your peers! He looked really angry when he said it, dattebayo, and I heard him mutter something about a 'Hatake bastard not turning in his team failure form on time.' Was that you?"

Kakashi shrugs. "Maa, who knows? Hatake is a common surname in Konoha."

Kushina gives him an incredulous stare. (It looks like Obito's.) "Sensei, there have been thirteen recorded people in the _history of Konoha_ with that last name. I don't know if you could call that common."

She's expressing her feelings through minor eyebrow twitches—how cute! Kakashi is vaguely reminded of his eight-year-old self. Fortunately, there are too many differences to start worrying just yet.

"Depends on your definition of common," he says, and watches in amusement as that left eyelid spasms. "And maybe Iruka-sensei was being metaphorical."

Naruto, bless his little heart, looks utterly bewildered. That's also a common reaction around Kakashi, funnily enough.

"Kakashi-sensei, don't use words Naruto doesn't know," Kushina tells him, "that's not fair to him." She's smirking a little, and Kakashi mentally rolls his eyes and reevaluates how similar she is to his eight-year-old self.

Naruto yelps in indignation and launches himself at his near-teammate.

"I'm getting a strange sense of déja vu," Kushina mumbles, weaving her way around a series of Academy-standard kicks, Kakashi blinks in confusion. That's not a phrase he's heard before.

"Is that what all the kids are saying these days?" he wonders, and watches as the dark-haired girl freezes up for a moment. She recovers admirably, of course, but Kakashi used to be ANBU. There's no way a green genin could fool him.

"Um, something like that," Kushina says, not quite meeting his gaze. She has to duck under a half-hearted punch from Naruto in the next second, and uses that as an excuse to escape from the conversation.

Hmm.

Kakashi files that away to be analyzed later and turns to the unconscious Hyuuga

(Probably his favorite, in that she's the only one who doesn't remind him, appearance-wise, of a long-dead comrade. The eyes are a little creepy, though. Kakashi's never had a Hyuuga teammate before. The Uchiha hadn't allowed it.)

He kneels next to her and nudges at her arm. A flutter of the eyelids, but no change in breathing or expression. Good, he can work with that.

Doesn't mean he's going to stand for insubordination. Ramping up the Killing Intent, Kakashi announces cheerfully, "Cute little almost-genin, it's rude to pretend to sleep while your sensei is waiting for you."

She snaps to alertness in a quarter of a second. She seems incredibly indignant, and Kakashi is relieved she can have moods other than embarrassed and kind. "Y-you're late!" she practically yells, pointing a quivering—with anger or fright?—finger at him.

He can almost see the moment when Hinata realizes that she's being rude. Her mouth shuts with an audible click, and she dives into her collar for comfort. Kakashi notes bemusedly that even her forehead is red.

"S-sorry!" Hinata squeaks, looking like she wants to dive into the ground.

Kushina and Naruto have stopped fighting and are heading their way. It looks like it devolved into a full-out spar, judging from the scorch marks on the ground.

"Are we going to have our test or not, dattebayo?" Naruto demands, glaring at Kakashi. He's offended. Does he really look like a guy who would flake out on testing his prospective genin team?

...okay, well, he's done it a couple times before. In his defense, those teams had been particularly uninspiring, and he was going to fail them anyway. Why not just spare everyone the pain of testing?

"You should have more faith in your sensei," Kakashi scolds Naruto. "Of course we're having our test."

"...and that is?" Naruto prompts when Kakashi doesn't elaborate.

(Sensei used to do that too, with the exact same flashing blue eyes. Except those eyes were warm, and full of exasperated love for Kakashi. These eyes have only distrust.)

He averts his eyes from the blond, like a miniature Sensei, to dig around in his pockets for his alarm clock. He'd known this assignment was a mistake.

"That's mine!" Kushina accuses (a little dramatically, in Kakashi's opinion) as he finally finds the thing. Kushina really needs to buy larger alarm clocks—this brand is civilian, not made to handle ninja strength.

"It is?" Kakashi asks, looking at the clock in faux-wonder. "I found it on the road of life this morning. You should really take better care of your things, Kushina-chan."

She fumes silently, but doesn't attack him. Interesting, he'd thought that taunt would be enough to make her snap.

"Anyway," Kakashi continues in a light-hearted tone of voice, "your task is to get the bells before time's up." He jingles the bells in his hand for emphasis.

Naruto blinks at him, the wind taken out of his sails. "That's it?"

"That's it!" Kakashi confirms cheerily. "It's not as easy as it sounds, though. There are only two bells, so only two of you can pass. The other will be sent back to the Academy."

Naruto blinks and looks between Kushina and Hinata, confusion evident in his gaze. Kushina narrows her eyes at Kakashi, like she's seen through his plan. Hinata squeaks, glancing rapidly between her two teammates.

Kakashi frowns at the way they all seem to accept what he'd told them without arguing, but doesn't comment. With any luck, they'll fail, and he won't have to confront living reminders of his lost ones on a daily basis.

"You have until noon," he says, and watches them all snap to attention. "Go."

* * *

Naruto doesn't know how he'll prank Kakashi, but he knows it'll be great. Maybe something with paint? The bastard seems like he'd like the color pink, if only to piss Naruto off, so coloring his hair sparkly pink maybe isn't the best idea.

He's so absorbed in fantasies of covering his sensei with glitter, Naruto barely notices when Kushina drags him off into the woods surrounding the training ground. He does vaguely register the sound of a hissed curse and the uncomfortable yanking of his collar, but his mental cackling pretty much drowns out outside input. Man, Kakashi's face is going to be _great_.

"Naruto! Stop daydreaming about pranking Hatake-san and help me find Hinata-san!"

Really, it's the use of Hinata's first name that gets Naruto's attention. For as long as he's known her ( _four years!_ That's like, a third of his life!), Kushina's always distanced herself through surnames. The only person she's ever used a given name for is Naruto, and she's told him on more than one occasion that the lack of an honorific tagged onto his name is, for the most part, due to his persistence.

The first time she'd called Hinata by her first name, Naruto thought she was just messing around—despite the common view of Kushina as a kunoichi who doesn't know how to have fun, she has a surprisingly wicked sense of humor when she chooses to let it out. And Hinata's face had been pretty funny—before she fainted, that is.

Then again, a genin team assignment is a pretty momentous life event. When he'd asked Iruka-sensei about them, his older brother figure smiled fondly, like he was looking back on his on team, and told him a genin team is a lifetime commitment.

"Naruto!" Kushina snaps. He'll have to think about that later, then. Naruto obligingly lets himself be dragged off, but isn't quite content to stay silent.

"Kushina-chan, why do we need to find Hinata-chan? I thought only two people could win the test!"

Kushina looks surprised, but composes herself quickly. It's almost like she hadn't expected Naruto to have picked her as a teammate over Hinata. Really, she should know better by now. Kushina is Naruto's best friend, dattebayo! Even though Hinata's super nice (and kind of cute, but don't tell anyone!), he'll take Kushina over her any time.

"Haven't you figured it out? Isn't there anything about the three-person team that's a little suspicious?"

Well, now that she's pointed it out...

Naruto doesn't think he's ever seen a two-genin team. "Isn't the standard team formation three genin and a jounin-sensei? Why does Kakashi get an exception?"

Kushina raises an eyebrow at him. "Why assume he's telling us the truth? Ninja must look underneath the underneath, remember? Maybe this is part of the test, and we have to figure out his motives for lying. What would he want to test us on?"

Naruto scratches his chin. Man, he really doesn't like this part of being a shinobi. He'd thought there'd be more exciting fights, not thinking. Usually, he just lets Kushina do the detective work. She's better at it, anyway, and she actually likes it. Her eyes get kind of sparkly whenever she's close to uncovering the truth, and she reads those weird mystery novels (that make Naruto's head hurt) like, all the time.

But Kushina's looking at him like she expects him to figure it out for himself. Naruto scowls and casts his mind back to what Iruka-sensei said were the most important aspects of ninja life: planning, dedication, and teamwork.

But how would lying about the objective of the test help Kakashi assess anything? It certainly didn't test planning, and it's pretty hard to test dedication in a day. Or, well, an afternoon.

(Bastard.)

So that leaves teamwork. The goal of the test is to get the two bells from Kakashi, which implies fighting him. Kushina's beaten it into him to not overestimate his own abilities, so Naruto knows he, alone, can't even touch a jounin. He doesn't even know if Kushina and him working together could beat Kakashi. The man is an elite, after all, the best of the best.

But three genin, working together...

That would theoretically be possible, with enough careful planning.

"Teamwork, dattebayo!" Naruto says, with an excited fistpump. "Right, Kushina-chan? He wants to makes us think we can't work together, and see if we can overcome that!"

Kushina makes that weird face she makes sometimes, when she's trying not to smile but can't completely suppress it. Naruto isn't too fond of that face. He's of the firm belief that you should always communicate your emotions clearly when you can! "Yeah, that's exactly it. So, we have to find Hinata-san."

"Okay!" Naruto chirps, following in his best friend's wake.

* * *

"Hinata-san," I hiss, tapping HInata's arm to get her attention. She jumps, then focuses her attention on me.

"Uchiha-san?"

"You can call me Kushina, I don't really care for formalities directed toward me," I tell her. "More importantly, we need to devise a plan to get the bells from Kakashi."

"Apparently he's lying to us about only two of us being able to pass, dattebayo!" Naruto tacks on. "He's trying to test our teamwork!"

"I-I thought something w-was wrong with the parameters. I have n-never seen a three-person team before," Hinata says. "Are we going to work t-together?"

"Yeah, dattebayo! Kushina-chan says she has a plan!"

"Keep your voice down!" I scold, shushing my teammates. "He's probably skulking around, listening in on our conversations."

Naruto looks appropriately chastened. "Sorry, Kushina-chan. He is the kind of creeper that would do that, dattebayo."

I roll my eyes and turn to Hinata. While the Academy hand signs aren't the most effective method of communication, with Kakashi's enhanced senses secure audio communication is impossible. The hand seals still run the risk of being seen, but it's a likely event versus a certain one.

 _Hand seals safer,_ I sign.

Hinata's eyes go wide briefly before she hesitantly signs back, _Understood. Plan?_

Naruto looks as if he's about to interrupt verbally, but I place my finger to my lips empathetically. He pouts and signs, _Not good hand seals._

 _Irrelevant,_ I reply, rolling my eyes. Then, to Hinata, _Track target. Distract, sneak, steal._

 _I distract?_

 _Yes. Clones steal._ I point to Naruto in clarification.

 _Got it!_ Naruto says, giving me a thumbs up. _How many?_ It's the wrong seal—the one used for counting enemies instead of allies—but at least he's trying.

 _I track now?_ Hinata asks, preparing to activate her Byakugan.

I nod, and watch closely as she searches for Kakashi. It's a wonder Orochimaru never focused on finding a loophole in the Caged Bird Seal, never tried to capture a main branch Hyuuga for study. The Byakugan is incredibly fascinating and versatile, after all—that's why the branch family was sealed off in the first place.

Though I suppose by the time he would have considered such things, he'd fixated on learning jutsu and living forever, neither of which can be obtained through use of the all-seeing doujutsu.

It's a shame, really. Truthfully, I'd rather have the Byakugan than the Sharingan's combat-based abilities.

 _(Avoiding conflict is just another word for cowardice in this world.)_

 _Original spot,_ Hinata signs. _Attack?_

Naruto is practically bouncing in action. _Please?_ he begs, giving me big, teary eyes. Some days I really regret teaching him this particular trick in his arsenal.

I sigh and reluctantly sign _Yes_. It's probably not the best idea to throw Naruto at a highly trained opponent without at least giving him something concrete to do, but he's good at thinking on his feet, so he should be okay.

 _(Such disregard for the wellbeing of your supposed comrades. We are more alike than you think, little imposter.)_

 _Move out_.

* * *

"Watch out!" I scream as I form the hand seals for my flashiest jutsu. Naruto and Hinata roll out of the way of the giant fireball coming their way, and Kakashi replaces himself with a log.

Again.

Sure, Konoha is full of trees, but they're so important for ninja travel lumber has never been a big business. Where is he even getting perfectly cut logs?

"This battle is dragging on for too long," I mumble to Naruto as he skids to a stop next to me. "Have your clones succeeded yet?"

Naruto grimaces and shakes his head. "Not even close. The bastard doesn't have any holes in his defense whatsoever. I don't think any of my clones will be able to sneak past him—not unless he lets 'em."

I sigh in resignation, glancing at the sun. "It looks like we'll have to make up a new plan on the fly. There's not enough time to strategize."

Hinata looks like she's getting worn out. Though her hands are moving incredibly fast, Kakashi is somehow managing to avoid all her strikes while making it look like an accident.

"Fall back!" I bark, and Hinata disengages, replacing herself with a tree branch. "We don't have a lot of time to think of a new plan. Does anyone have any other ideas?"

"Wait," Hinata says, and Naruto and I turn to her expectantly. "He never said we had to get the bells from him, and he never said we had to get the bells he's holding."

"Can we really abuse that loophole, though?" I wonder. "It seems almost like insubordination to me."

"Well, we're not going to get them by rushing him," Naruto says grudgingly. "Bastard's too good."

I shrug. "Might as well take this chance, right? Since Hinata-san is the fastest out of us three, would you run back to the village and purchase a set of bells exactly like his?"

Hinata nods determinedly, glancing at the sun. She has thirty minutes to get to the village and back. It'll be a challenge, finding the bells that he has, but even a civilian could walk to the village from here in ten minutes.

"We'll keep him occupied, dattebayo," Naruto says, and I nod.

Hinata takes off, and Naruto and I rush forward to meet Kakashi.

* * *

I'm nearly out of chakra by the time Hinata gets back, proudly carrying two silver bells tied together with a red ribbon. She bursts into the clearing a minute before our time is up, and I smile faintly at her as she thrusts the bells in Kakashi's direction.

"Here," she says, "the bells."

Kakashi doesn't look surprised at all. Figures—he must have listened in on our conversation. "Well. You may have abused a loophole you'd never get away with on a real mission, Hinata-chan, but who will you give the other bell to?"

Before-Kushina read enough fanfiction for me to know what Kakashi wants her to do, but there's no guarantee Hinata will be selfless enough to give the bells to Naruto and I. It looks like I'll have to break out my rusty acting skill.

"Hinata-san," I say, stepping forward. "Give the bell to Naruto. He only graduated this year because of extenuating circumstances, and there's no guarantee he won't get shunted into the genin corps. As the Rookie of the Year, I have some measure of security in that respect."

"What? No!" Naruto, predictably, interjects. "Kushina-chan deserves it more than me, dattebayo! She's the one who came up with our original plan!"

"Which wasn't much of a plan," I remind him, "and it didn't work."

Naruto scowls. "But you still made it! I just followed your directions, dattebayo."

I grit my teeth, and force myself to say, "I wouldn't mind going back to the Academy, anyway."

 _(Yes, you would.)_

"It would give me an extra year to polish up my chakra control and seals. That gives me better odds of not ending up as cannon fodder."

 _(Us? Cannon fodder? As if.)_

Hinata frowns. "No!" she says, with surprising vehemence. "Both of you deserve to g-graduate more than I do. All I did was run to the village and back. T-that shouldn't guarantee me a pass."

"You all pass!" Kakashi says cheerily, and I do my best to look surprised. "The real purpose of the test was teamwork. I wanted to see if you would break apart or work together under circumstances that pit you against each other."

"You can't have three-person teams," I say haughtily. "And Iruka-sensei complained for ages about balancing the teams out—there's no way he'd have agreed to doing it again. It was pretty obvious we were either going to pass as a team, or not at all."

"It wasn't to the six teams that came before you," Kakashi says, raising an eyebrow.

I huff and turn away, ignoring the fact that if I hadn't had my knowledge of the story, I'd have played right into my new sensei's hands.

 _(That knowledge will be very useful once I get my body back, little imposter.)_

 **end notes:** this chapter was entirely out of hand. in my plan it says 4k, not this;;; monster... also it was supposed to be all from kushina's pov. um, have some surprise kakashi and naruto, and probably more in the future now that there's a precedent. also, why can i only end chapters with mysterious italicized words in parenthesis?  
 **shameless advertisement: if you want writing updates and ramblings about the worldbuilding in here, or if you want to ask questions, go to candysfics dot tumblr dot com!  
shameless advertisement two: still looking for a beta to motivate me to write and to bounce ideas off of! please pm me if you're interested!**  
 **chapter's drabble:** a scene from before!kushina's life in the hospital. this is about 250 words long.  
thanks for reading!


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